It's been a long time since I've blogged and now seemed like a good time to start doing so. I am just now beginning to walk again after multiple orthopedic procedures. The entire mid section of my body has now been reconstructed with metal. It took over two years and three major surgeries, including one where I actually died and was brought back to life seven hours into an almost eight hour procedure. In February of 2016 I stood up vertically and tried to reclaim my life back. Lets start the story here ...
Broken, sawed in half, put back together with metal and pins and it was fucking brutally horrifying. Truth is, I kept most of it to myself because I knew no one should have to hear those things ... because it could happen to anyone of us. To hear of such tales of pain and horror could frighten people. I did not want to frighten anyone so I didn't talk about how very real it was. let's just say I know the limits of pain within the human body and it's shocking how far it. I would not wish that much fear and pain on anyone, not even the people's who negligence made it possible. Moments of 2015/2016 were like living in a horror movie. I'd did my very best to change things around and take back my life this year.
Life has been filled wth some very big challenges and hurdles, ones that should have been impossible to get around, but somehow I did. Lots of people come from bad experiences and places, but as they say ... "If it doesn't Kill You, it will Shape you." To those that harm children I say be mind full of what the night night gives back to you after you have thrown a living child into it. Something will come for you. Surviving horrific child abuse is not fun to talk about, but I do it because some kid somewhere needs to read it so they may not believe it's heir fault and so perhaps they can heal. A doctor once said to me "It's a miracle you function in society at all." I believe I function in society because your mind can heal if you really want it too ... and let's define"function."
Running away when I was 14 years old from a world of mental and physical abusive at the hamds of my step father and his family was the most important life lessons ever learned. One that I would learn myself by way of action. The lesson learned was, If people are hurting you or treating you in ways you have outspokenly not agreed to, leave. Terribly simple. Just get up and leave.
My mother had shot my step father in the face with deer riffle in our living room and then I was forced too live with him in a basement in Upstate NY. He beat me and his parents ridiculed me night and day. At first thought I wanted die and intact did try to end my own life once. I failed thank god. It was in a city park in the town of Glens Falls with some shards of glass from a broken Pepsi bottle. After one terrible evening after being heavily ridiculed for being a feminine boy at the dinner table for well over an hour. I got up and went off to the park to end the emotional torment. Over and over I desperately slashed and cut at my arms with the glass under a canopy of bushes to keep me hidden, but it didn't work.
Eventually I had to go home ... sneaking in the back door, blood dripping from my sleeves, no one knew. Later that week was when I opened the tiny basement window, wiggled out through the smallest window opening you ever saw and ran off into the night ... That act of defiance probably has shaped so much of who I am. Had I not done that half of the person I am today. This event would later be documented in the first four pages in an underground comic book titles "The Legend of Hedgehog Boy." So there is part of me that is very fragile and then is the part of me that is tough as nails. That night I walked down the freeway for six exits. Three men stoped and tried to get me into their cars, but my mother told me never to get into strangers cars, so I resisted and slept under a free way bridge the first night. After being arrested and sent to a mental institution for being gay by my stepfather. After my Grandmother came and and took me away, I had been there three months in the faciltly. A fullon mental asylum stuffed full deeply emotionally distrurbed children.
My grandmother would be my care taker for 4 short year after that. Oddly enough in the way life goes full circle - I am now am the one who goes to see her now that she is 87. I found her a place to live in California that was close by because I could not let her be alone in the final stages of life. I just could not live with myself. So while I was still in cruches and wheel chairs I moved my Grandmother into a retirement center in California.
So how did I become an artists? After high school I was awarded a scholarship to the most expensive art school in America and eventually I become an artist, it's a story I can't evenwrap my own head around sometimes. I had no back up plan, no second choice of a school. It was all or nothing and becoming an artist was not without much trials and some very real danger, but It's not a wish, or some dream, it's real. This has been the part of my life I've always been very modest about, but just for once - I don't want to be. I would like to report that I managed to develop and sell my own special brand of figure art to people all our little plant and in the 16 years since I declared myself a professional artist, I've made over 450 paintings. Everything I made sold and then when I became older they were even fought over. In some cases I was hunted down for them. Hopefully this never ends because we all know I'm not going to get employment as an english instructor or the copy editor of People magazine anytime soon. Getting to be say "I'm an artist" and mean it deserves at least a few separate blog entries to themselves. These blog entries will happen very soon. It's time to tell the whole story because well. I could die tomorrow and false modestly will het you no where fast.
Now there are parts of my journey that are down right insane. Let's write about those parts too. Some of my clients are are very very wealthy and some are not - I don't see them as being any different as money does not change a person on the inside. Character and will power does impress me however. Now I'm also a total hypocrite, so if you wanna buy me new car tonight, do it!! A little red muscle car that guzzles gas would be fantastic. Park it in front of my house in Oakland. That be sweet. What I'm really saying is anyone who has placed their worth as a human being in terms of money or uses it as a tool to manipulate others is trapped on earth. There is nothing wrong with money at all, in fact I'm fond of money and I'm gonna need more of it to complete my artistic mission on earth. However money will not make you any better than another. Morally or spiritually money does not change you. As an artists I've seen this in all from all walks of life and from every part of earth and it's always the same when it comes to money. I believe in value and expressing value, if money is all we have to do that, so be it. But when people look down at others as not being seen as financially worth existing because of a lack of financial resources, that's when part of me internally cringes with disappointment.
As of February of 2016 I would like to report that I am finally able t0 walk again. For two years I didn't not make much art because I was trapped in the cycle of surgeries, towards the end I more than made up for it however. Art is valuable, it holds within it the secrets of who we are as people on earth. After oil and gold, art is the only thing worth value on planet earth. The first thing any invading army does or did upon taking over another country was to confiscate all it's art and then usually enslave the artists to make propaganda.
I grew up very poor. So "value" as explained to me by the art world is hard for me to alwaysdigest. Art does have value and it always will. I very much understand. I however think the value in art should also be weighhed also in how well the artist transfers emotions to their audience. Can they connect with people and handle the responsibility of giving them what they need or desire? These are very real and scary questions. As an artists, especially a figure artistt. Painting such imagery can unlocking anothers mind and that is why I think art is one of the most dangerous things on earth. It's the key to Pandora's box. I have so much to say about art and the business of being an artist that I feel I should actually write a book. Maybe this is that start of that book here ...
American artist known for his drawings of the male figure with dark and mysterious imagery; often used together. He also works with stories and characters.
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510 827 7077